My Father is In The Illuminati but Won’t Let Me Join: Marijuana Paranoia Video Diary #36
Marijuana Paranoia Management Coach, Bryan Basamanowicz, recounts his latest intense ” weed trip” and reviews an interesting journal entry from another paranoid stoner.
3 Entries From Corey’s Diary:
5/30/13 I feel like this has all happened before. Today I woke up and spent most of the day researching psychedelics. Something I feel like I did before in the exact same way. Ended up going down for dinner and one of the few words my dad mentions is mushrooms. Then back to my room. Needed to drive Josh home talked about Texas life. He mentioned memory lane. I feel he was pointing at the déjà vu of the situation which I felt deeply. Earlier in the weekend I spent all day researching how to cook things and the first thing I see on the kitchen table is a picture of a chef. It’s like someone (dad) knows what my every move is, and there is meaning behind them knowing that I am supposed to accept or understand. I feel the fact that I am writing this will ruin any sort of chance I have of understanding all this. Something now will change their game plan to keep me in the dark. Did Shroomry forum research on philosophy/paranoia/schizophrenia/psychedelic exp. While listening to David Lynch’s Rabbits. I feel like I am being monitored by some supreme organization or being. That my family knows about and complies to or is obligated by law to have me monitored. The monitoring is to check my state of being and to make sure my family is providing adequate care. The goal is for them to keep up an image so they can receive compensations. Josh’s last words were, take care of the family. For me to behave and maintain their image would be me taking care of them. Where me showing misbehavior would not be taking care of the family. I’m guessing this experience leading to this realization was premeditated by my family. Josh was appointed to give me a clue that my family is not legally allowed to inform me of, for the benefit of my wellbeing either going against the family’s game plan or working with them to remind me to protect the family’s image. All this leads to me writing this which was already premeditated by the family. How can this impact things? All in all Calvin needed me to drive him home because he was too drunk to drive but the second Josh got in the car he drove off to another place. He just got home again an hour later and now is leaving once more. An urgent agenda with the supreme to clear things up for the car ride opportunity? To cover something up so I can maintain my existence? Gain profit off the extra monitoring? The sun is up showing how off schedule things are. Was this all planed for my good or not. Is this experience I’m having now their goal to cut me a break. It’s like a stock market, these words being projected on the big screen in real time at this very moment with many watching on the other side monitoring, betting, predicting, and altering my every thought for some reason I don’t know. Have trouble focusing now means I’m getting to close. I’m starting to feel sick to my stomach. I couldn’t have written this before. If I believe I have written this exact thing before is me losing my grasp on reality. I wish to be more capable of processing though all this.
5/30/13 Film, Cube, first ten minutes analysis: allegory- harm of the mind actualizing the brain/body. Dialogue (hint) – “holy (wholly) cats” instead of holy cow. Both three letters, starting with C, and animals. Look past labels/ surface differences, because all characters are different “parts” (hero, healer, thinker etc.) of the mind. The “whole” alone man at the beginning was the end result of the realization, showing that even when actualized and at “full” potential death awaits. Whole man gets cut into pieces showing one should never piece together to come to a greater whole. The act of piecing together kills the individual ideas (characters). The answer is for them not to talk? Not have the mind realize? Individual ideas cannot die but once the ideas realize they are a part of a greater living “whole” death is possible. Cats vs. cow, which one fits the idiom best? When following both work. But when aside from the idiom they are completely different and not seen as working/better/alive vs. not working/worse/dead, they just are. 7/25/13 • Is it sane for dreams that have or have not recently happened to arbitrarily appear in waking consciousness? Does that imply a release of more DMT in the system? Within this anomaly am I technically in-between both worlds, or bringing one into the other? Can I create a portal? (Think of a dream in a space, have someone walk into that space and see your dream world) • How does paranoia feel and does it tell you it’s not what it is or is stating? • Why do you mention that I’m seeming better than I was previously? If you suggest me moving away from relying on outside sources for my worth? Also if I’m supposed stop bringing up the past?
7/27/13 Avid reading over the course of a lifetime may reduce the rate of memory decline by 32%.-After reading this Facebook post I had a paranoia surge. I thought that Facebook was created for me to have a healthy dose of reading in my life. Because in my normal challenged (autistic/mentally retarded) state I would never pick up a book or read a newspaper, etc. My dream motif last night was reading a novel in a class ritual, and having Wheezy Waiter help me with my reading assignment for class during an adventure in a van. The book that was mentioned in my dream was mockingbird. I woke up and researched books with that title and came across To Kill a Mockingbird, and Mockingbird. I’m familiar with the first but the latter was about a young girl with Asperger’s, all in all which solidified this journal entry. So do paranoia surges correlate, and or are predetermined, by previous night’s dreams?