Paranoid Marijuana Diary 7 — Our Fear of One Another is the Ultimate Conspiracy
My most successful tweet to date “Our Fear of One Another is the Ultimate Conspiracy” was actually conceived of last weekend during the production of my paranoid marijuana diary series, installment 7.
The footage in video 7.0 is lousy, but I’m so paranoid that I can barely bring myself to photograph that which I want to photograph: the cameras that watch me as I arrive on the Skytrain platform. Though the fear of “being watched” is magnified in its expression by my basolateral amygdala, it remains a legitimate concern. Surveillance is such a pervasive and seemingly immutable issue that we strive to grow numb to it. Guilty of this self-programming myself, what I discovered through this exercise is that it still fucking bothers me. It is perhaps the privilege of the paranoiac to unthaw certain of these cold fears, and continuously apply fresh and warranted scrutiny.
Regarding diary entry 7.1 (posted below):
Often in conspiracy literature, “They” will be spelled with a capital T to indicate a ubiquitous shadowy conglomerate that allegedly looms behind the scenes of everyday life, pulling our strings to the service of some massive, dark agenda.
In video 7.1, as the lessons of my paranoia therapy begin to crystallize, my heightened anxieties begin to teach me a bit about the nature of some of our staple sociological fears. As I explain (poorly) in the video– I’m afraid of video taping the camera in the train station, because I fear that engaging in such behavior may make me appear suspect to society, like I’m trying to document the range of the city surveillance equipment so I can exploit it and undertake some nefarious plot. Totally ridiculous, nonetheless, while stoned, I’m deathly afraid of being perceived as anything close to a (dare I even say the word) Terrorist (T is capitalized as the term has been engineered into something equally superfluous, inhuman, limitless).
How did I get this way? Why am I so afraid, so programmed? I’m not from the Middle East, I don’t have a beard, yet I’m still afraid of being behaviorally “profiled.” This realization led to a larger one, a truth that provided me my regular orgasmic discharge of paranoia, an end to the “shamanic panic.” That truth– I’m more afraid of the society I’m a part of then I am of any terrorist or “other.” It’s important that I emphasize this– this is FACT not philosophy. I WAS NOT afraid of terrorists directly, I was more immediately afraid of being falsely perceived as a terrorist. #ridiculousbuttrue And I don’t blame the society. I am the society that scares me. What I’m learning in these videos, through my therapeutic regimen, is that the society I’ve helped create has made me afraid of my own shadow. It’s horrifying to realize this, it’s embarrassing to admit this, but it’s also a necessary confrontation.
I’m proceeding in my work under the assumption that fears like this NEED to be looked at and contextualized, that cannabis perhaps (for predisposed paranoiacs) may offer a unique opportunity to help us remember and stare down these fears we’ve numbed ourselves to. Our alternative being to forget and allow them to subconsciously fester, causing anxiety and unhappiness.
No I am not a terrorist, We are not terrorists, but we are Terrorists, because We are They. They are We. Shadows of the same, scaring ourselves like a bunch of idiots.
Note the capping couplet which concludes the following video =)
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